a quiet love letter to the online community
I've had a fear of people for a while, ever since I probably hit puberty (such a scary time for all of us).
I think it started with school gossip. I'm a Gen X kid, right around the time the Internet and chatrooms started gaining traction. I grew up in Silicon Valley where the boom started, and just like most Silicon Valley kid, one of my parents worked in the tech industry. I've had a computer within an arm's reach since I could remember. Back when Neopets was a thing, I used to tweak HTML codes and befriend fellow Neopets users. From Skype chatrooms to Google Chat popups, I felt so much more comfortable talking behind a screen than looking at people in the eye. Chain mails and fake information existed, but they all seemed fake - instantly deleted with a click of a button.
Around middle school or high school, I slowly migrated to the then-popular Tumblr. I was an active user and gained a steady following due to my niche posting of J-Pop and Japanese idol content (my fangirl-ness is showing). I still have a deep love for the Tumblr community, that is both safe and reliable. That community slowly transitioned to Twitter, which I now have been silently residing for the past decade and a bit. For some reason, being constrained to a word limit and the extreme fast-paced nature of Twitter doesn't excite me enough to post content. Perhaps it also may be due to how old I've gotten and most of my time and energy is spent on "big girl" stuff. Also, the Twitter community has definitely gotten more scary once he-who-shall-not-be-named has taken over it.
What I meant to say was - as much as talking behind the screen is scary for some, for some people like me that has lived in it for most of their lives, it is more of a safe space. I think the feeling of not being judged on the spot and inherent biases based on appearance is comforting. Even when I am working and have to talk to people, I find myself leaning towards sending instant messages and emails more than confronting them on the spot. I don't need those emojis or frivolous texts, but the world of texts and chat bubbles makes me feel at home.
I don't think I'll ever leave the online community. In fact, I don't think I know how to. I've spent most of my entire life online, making more friends through chatting and texting than from talking in-person. I may become slow to trends these days, but this community will always be a part of me.